I tend to think before I write. Think and think. Wallow in my consciousness before I can say anything. Is it my "social anxiety" refusing every thought. Crushing inferiority. What is it crushing.
I read somewhere [source amnesia] that every cell in our body replaces [itself] every seven years. I'm repeating that wrong. Maybe. I can't be sure. Source amnesia. It could even apply to the phenomena! Everything, this whole paragraph is an example. Every word choice could be the wrong one. Is it even called source "amnesia"? Is it even considered a "phenomena" or simply a "concept". That we hear things, even if they say, "Your body doesn't replace itself every seven years, that's obscene and delusional", then, seven years later, I write in a blog, "every seven years I'm [brand new]".
Long chains of (cause and) effect with a source that doesn't exist. May have never existed. Recently I've been considering the viability of lists as a solution to this immateriality of being. But even that consideration is immaterial, mostly it's not there (here? in my head. Is my consciousness a place). Mostly I'm not making lists, mostly (eternally?) I'm in a dark room wallowing in my consciousness.
Am I real? Or does the real world hold nominal superiority; must I get a job in sales or manufacturing.
Should I spend some time dissecting intersecting class, race, and gender privileges that resulted in me even saying those two career possibilities?
Was that last bit "necessary"?
2 comments:
every 7 is an average figure based on some dodgy data collected by studies of cells in various human tissues. it really depends on the cell. stomach cells are being chewed off by acid at a rate of 1 layer a day, and are thus one of the fastest regenerating types. but most neurons in adult humans don't replicate and aren't replaced. so, in the critical sense of your nervous system, you're stuck with the you those cells entail until they die off.
"must I get a job in sales or manufacturing"
you could think of this in terms of what can you do for others that entitles you to expect them to do things for you? you could grow food for them. you could make goods for them. you could build buildings, alchemize money, operate technology, care for children, all things of absolute value to people. since you can't do them all in this crazy modern world, you can ask others to do what they can for you as you do what you can for them.
thinking about class and gender (or about anything else) is a thing you can do for others, but frankly its value is not all that definite, and vulnerable to market flood (too many people sending out ideas) instead of other needed commodities. turn your incision of privilege upon your own determination to be one of the lucky few that lives a life of thinking.
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