Flowers and Stasis

He had given up attending to matters of practical importance; he had lost all desire to do so. In fact, nothing that any landlady could do held any terror for him. But to be stopped on the stairs, to be forced to listen to her trivial, irrelevant gossip, to pestering demands for payment, threats and complaints, all the while racking his brains for excuses, avoiding the issue, lying--no, he would rather creep down the stairs like a cat and slip out unseen.

Tian Luu writes:

I"m not going to say it again and I don't want to fight with you on any of this anymore. But I don't know where you got the idea that and eleven pm bedtime is an ultimatum. We have four part time working students in the house and most of us are in bed by midnight. I work half of the week at an office that starts at 9 AM which is considerably late for the working world, it's not a difficult concept to understand. Also, I'm not your mother or your family, being a house mate that pays to live at the house I can set any "ultimatums" I want. It's a basic courtesy and common sense to not be banging cabinets and tinkering with things at eleven at night consider you have to turn on the lights to do it because everyone is already in bed. Please just don't do it again. It's finals coming up and I've got heavy work days this month--I don't want this to be a recurrent issue. Also I don't know if and when I'll be moving out early but I've got broken dishes and a toaster that are still unaccounted for. I'm assuming you aren't going to want to part with the nice new toaster you bought so just keep that in mind. My toaster wasn't nice but it was relatively new and I don't feel it fair for me to have to purchase a new one on my own considering I rarely used it and definitely didn't break it when it was at the house. If you want to talk more about any of this later I'll be home, otherwise just try and be respectful and I'll try to be civil.

Things happen in "my life"

There are classes. They look fine, really. Splendid courses. I could learn a lot. Of course I've already taken Dr. Irvine's class, but when reading off the list to my mother, I hesitated and told her it was "different". I don't like mentioning failure, and they don't even dress it up as nothin' different. Dr. Irvine has given me an F and a D and a lot of moral support. I was planning on finishing that final, planned on her fixing up my gpa, advising me (I still can't enroll until she does something on her computer) and maybe writing me glowing recommendations.

But I'd really rather do this. Or maybe even they have an internship. But I don't know how to run away. Don't know if I need to talk to someone about getting the internship to count for course credit or something. In my head, I'd write an incredibly personal cover letter and I'd talk about my hopelessness, my detachment, my inability to succeed. I'd hope I'd come off "intelligent" and "endearing".

I dreamt about running feminism in debate, but I think an unpaid internship with the aclu prison project seems more "authentic". Feel like debate is for a bunch of "insincere" "ugly people" who are "fifteen minutes away from" playing dungeons & dragons every thursday night over over-cooked spaghetti squash with cinnamon and "brown" sugar.

Still lonely.